Coffee, Smack...Same Thing

I was reading something in GQ Magazine the other day that made me laugh out loud, almost spraying my Grande Iced Coffee all over myself. They often write these open letters expressing the ridiculousness of something in a sarcastic fashion. This letter was written to Starbucks from GQ and expressed how the general public feels about what the caffeine dealer has become. It was perfect.

I’ll admit that I’m a Starbucks tottin’ regular myself, but I can’t be bothered with anything fancier than an iced coffee. I'm even sitting at Starbucks right now, but I’m no faithful patron. If there were any local coffee shops with independent flair in my city, I’d frequent them. Don't feel sorry for me; I'm not going to be sitting here long.

I like this letter because it points out a few things that I agree with completely. For one, SB is largely included in what seemed to be a Seattle trend that started in the early 90s -- a list of cool alternative companies that quickly sell out and turn into corporate money-hungry whores. Even the Seattle’s grunge music scene sold out to major labels.

America cracks me up; we have this tendency to become obsessed with something, make that something a cultural trend, then turn around and make fun of ourselves for liking it so much. More than half of the people who complain about what Starbucks has become, still go there. We’re a caffeine nation alright...or as the article reads, “perpetually jacked up on gallons of magma-hot-fuck-yeah juice.”

My favorite line of the letter-- “If coffee were smack, we’d be Pete Doherty (Libertines singer who got Kate Moss into trouble with the white powder) and we’d refuse to give it up, even if it cost us our career and our supermodel girlfriend.”

I think it's hysterical that I can buy coffee that tastes like it was "roasted under the space shuttle" along with the latest indie albums. Funnier still, I can walk into the 24-hour SB around the corner from my house and see the very same people every time I go in there. Do they even have a home of their own?

I actually heard someone say that they have a list of Starbucks that they've visited all over the world. Honestly? I remember when people used to say, "I went to the Hard Rock Cafe in London!" To which my reply would be, "Let me guess, it was just like the one in New York!"

In the same issue of GQ, I found another writer offering up his love for Starbucks by listing it as number 12 in their list of “62 Reasons to Love Your Country” article. I love the non-conformity of this publication. If you happen to come across a copy of the June issue of GQ Magazine, check it out.

It’s funny because it’s true.